It’s happening again. Orange leaves are scattered, blowing through the streets on a wind that forces us to dig through our closets for hoodies and scarves. There is less time for accomplishing and more time for rest as the sun turns in early over fire red treetops. I see it all, feel it all as my heart swells with that fullness that only a first love can bring.

It was autumn of 2006 when I first met Adam. A man who would change my life in so many ways… who made his way up a seemingly endless flight of outdoor stairs in the cold to visit me at my college dorm. Who didn’t seem to notice all the reasons we might not work. Who saw only the best in me. Autumn 2006 changed my life.

It was in autumn of 2009 when my world was violently shaken again. My perception of self, my priorities, my appearance, my family all transformed as my son, Ethan, greeted us for the first time in the dead of night. Another first love entered my world to teach me so many things only he could. Autumn 2009 changed my life.

And here we are, autumn 2012. I have just finished my book, and am now taking my spare time to enjoy instead of work. My heart is so full of peace and joy that it almost frightens me… how long can such goodness last?

I know that there are days ahead full of joy and full of pain, but autumn’s fire trees will always come back. They will always bring my heart back to the abundance of first love. To life so beautiful I’m afraid it might blow away with a blustery wind. Happiness is a fragile thing… but if it leaves, it will return. It will return with all the glory it first came, so I shouldn’t be afraid. Only rest in it, absorb every moment, and be confident that God is not dangling a carrot. This joy is His plan for me, and one day it will be all that I know.