When You Can’t Find the Silver Lining

“I wonder if you, yourself, always feel as neatly tied up about these matters as you seem to in these passages,” she said.

…And then I had to re-think every chapter.

I’ve written extensively about my life, and what sense I can make of it. I’ve tried to find the meaning behind the pain, the beauty coursing through each struggle.

As noble as that sounds, it’s also a practice in futility.

Not because there’s not meaning and/or beauty in even the most difficult circumstances. God can use anything for good, after all. It’s futile because I cannot expect myself to always find that silver lining through the rain in my eyes. And what then? If I can’t see it, does that mean it’s not there?

I have to believe it’s there, since I follow One whose intention is to save me, in every aspect. But I can’t expect myself to know His mind, or predict His next move.

Sometimes all I can do is live there in the storm, wind howling, hail bruising, and take the darkness as it is.  Sometimes all I can do is allow myself the grace, the space, to grieve.

I am now resisting the urge to tie this post up with one of my “neat little bows.” I’ll spare you that. Life doesn’t come gift-wrapped.

Wherever you find yourself today, find a way to be there. Just be.

One thought on “When You Can’t Find the Silver Lining

  1. This is good stuff…I’m trying to learn how to communicate this way myself. I want to help other women find healing, but it’s not always neat, and to communicate too blithely or neatly discounts the struggle of the moment. I don’t think I’ve yet found the balance between “weeping with those who weep” and offering hope.

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