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The stay at home mom and the American Dream

“Forever is composed of nows.” 
― Emily Dickinson

Since my son was born 5 years, ago, I’ve been “just” a stay at home mom. Maybe it’s time for a change? I was feeling ambitious earlier this summer and decided to return to school. After all, I only have about 20 credits left to complete my degree in English, journalism concentration. I need to finish it. So, I started filling out papers, completing requirements, making phone calls. I looked into options for internships.

I lined up babysitters to cover my very light school schedule. I plotted and planned and made excel worksheets.

But after I arrived home from one such planning session the other day, my newly-walking 11-month-old practically ran to greet me, smiling a huge, now-toothy smile, and I thought, Why would I leave now?

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Confessions of an overwhelmed mom

I’ve retreated to my home office with a tall glass of milk and what’s left of a package of Mint Creme Oreos. Yes, the last few days have been the kind that leave me with tension headaches and fighting back tears. My sweet little 10-month-old refuses to nap or sleep at all unless I’m with her. My 4-year-old will not. stop. talking. Continue reading

Six Years Ago Today…

Six years ago today, I was at the spa getting my hair and makeup done. Soon, a horse-drawn carriage would arrive to usher me into a new life. carriageThe Dominican pastor didn’t speak English, so our vows were exchanged via an interpreter. We strained to understand her, and of course I’d chosen non-traditional vows. Despite that, Adam and I dedicated our hearts to one another on a beach, this day six years ago. Continue reading

The Urgent vs the Important

When I was pregnant this time, I was really nervous about the way things were panning out when it came to my career and the new baby. I was afraid she would be a major distraction from the writing and speaking I’m committed to with my book launching a mere two weeks after Taylor’s birth. And you know, she is every bit the distraction I expected.
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Welcome, Taylor May

I heard myself screaming — very unlike me. The thunder outside answered. The heavens had erupted for her debut after she’d waited so long to come.

Warning issued at 5:53 am... the exact time she was born

Warning issued at 5:53 am… the exact time she was born

We’d waited. Expecting her to be early, the summer days crept by until there was talk of evicting her by force. Wanting to avoid drugs, I’d begged for an extension, and the clock was ticking. Then, first thing in the morning, on the first day of the week, on the first day of September, she answered my pleas and came into the world without coercion.

You forget the full force of the pain. You forget that moment… the moment you fear your own strength. The moment you feel one more push might just rip your body in half. And that’s when I realized I was screaming, not so much from the pain, but from the terrifying realization that I could push even harder. Continue reading