When I Am Not Enough

Well, Ethan has been sick lately, and it’s been interesting. I’m hoping it’s just a bout of teething so there will be some benefit from it.

He ran a temperature of 103 for a couple of days and has been generally miserable. He wants to be held constantly and that first couple of nights, he was waking up every 45 minutes or so. As this came on, I quickly found that he needed his Daddy.

He was crying his pain cry, so I hopped out of bed, went to his room and got him out of his crib. We looked out the window for a couple minutes and he calmed down. I walked over to sit down in the rocking chair when my arms got tired, but he wasn’t fond of that idea. When I sat down, he started screaming again and writhing in my arms in such a way that I was afraid I would drop him. He was pushing against me and yanking my shirt… it was not the nurturing experience I was expecting. I quickly laid him on the floor since that’s where he was going to end up one way or another. He stiffened up and continued the crying until Adam realized I needed help and came to the rescue.

Something about laying against Daddy’s chest was just what Ethan needed. Adam rocked him back to sleep and did so a couple more times that night and the following night. Because he usually gets up at 2 am for work, he called off those days since he would have been exhausted and I needed his help anyway.

Today, he didn’t have the option of calling off as he is running low on PTO. Whatever the scenario last night, I was going to have to deal with it alone. I gave him some Motrin before bed and prayed for a good night’s sleep like I do every night.

He slept like a log. Ten and a half hours straight, and he even woke up happy. What a blessing!

God really does know what I need and when I need it. Mine was not the embrace that Ethan needed this time, but God gave me a good husband who was perfect for the job. I know that I can’t be everything all the time, and I’d be lying if I said that it never bothered me, but I ask God every night to fill in the gaps where Adam and I fall short. I believe He’s answering that prayer in new ways every day.

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