“What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient.”-Bodie Thoene
Her period was like clockwork, so being late that March was not a good sign.
She was an eighteen-year-old freshman at Missouri Western State College, and lived with her boyfriend in a house shared with other college guys.
The pregnancy test showed that she was now to be faced with decisions that no girl of that age should have to make.
Her mother was the first to suggest abortion. The girl could ruin any chance of living her dreams, and any mother would hate to see that happen.When the girl presented the option of an abortion to her boyfriend, he simply left the decision to her and offered his support either way.
In that year of 1983, there was no voice that would push her toward anything but abortion.
She herself was pro-choice, and her boyfriend wasn’t too opinionated on the topic. So many of his college buddies were making payments on their “mistakes” that it seemed to him to be a part of everyday life. The only reservation he had about aborting the baby was not knowing how they could scrape up the money to pay for it.
After weeks of deliberation, however, she decided to take the hard way.
All throughout the pregnancy, you could often find her sitting with a book perched on her ever growing tummy, reading aloud to the little life growing inside her. Sometimes poetry, sometimes nursery rhymes and sometimes (for good measure) mathematical equations. Other times she could be found lying on the floor with her tummy close to the stereo letting “the baby” listen to music. Sometimes classical, sometimes jazz, and a lot of times daddy’s favorite, Crosby Stills & Nash.
The girl and her boyfriend decided the best thing to do would be to get married, but as those nine months wore on, she wasn’t sure they had what it took to be parents.
More than once she toyed with the idea of going to the clinic and calling the whole thing off.
After an intense argument with her boyfriend one night, she was so distraught that they went to the hospital to make sure the babies heart rate hadn’t dropped. Even now, 27 years later, she remembers hearing the heartbeat as they monitored it. Fortunately, there was no damage done.
That October, I was born.
The first night I was home, I cried non-stop. My inexperienced parents were up all night trying to calm me, but nothing seemed to work.That is, until 6AM when they decided to put on good old CSN, (something to calm their jangled nerves). The familiar sound put me to sleep right away.
Sometimes I wonder what I was doing in those moments when my parents were deciding whether or not I was worth the effort, worth the sacrifice.
If you asked them now, they would tell you that their lack of education almost cost me my life.
Had they known that they would never have another opportunity to be biological parents…
Had they known that at only 12 weeks I had a fully formed brain, could cry and feel pain…
Had they known that the procedure that would’ve taken place consisted of the doctor chopping my little body to pieces and scraping my remains out into a jar …
Abortion would have never been a consideration.
But as it was, one girl made a random decision to do the more difficult thing, and here I am typing this commentary. And here you are reading it.
I may not even know you, but in a roundabout way, your life would be different without mine.
And mine without yours.
People have abortions for all different reasons.
Some don’t want to scrap their dreams and ambitions, some feel unprepared for parenthood, some are encouraged by loved ones to do so and some can’t afford to feed another mouth.
These all seem… feel like valid reasons, but the truth is that being a successful person, having financial security, and yielding to pressure are things that will not make you happy in the long run.
Very few 18 year old girls are ready to be a mother. But the truth is, if a girl finds herself pregnant it’s usually because she’s made a very grown-up decision to become that way. And, once she’s become that “grown-up”, shouldn’t she be grown-up enough to take responsibility for her actions?
I’m not writing this with the intention of judging or condemning anybody; I have no right to do that, and I don’t want to.However, there was nobody who would speak in my defense when I was just learning to blink and wiggle my toes, so I feel very passionately about others who have no voice.
I am so eternally grateful that my parents didn’t do what was most convenient or socially acceptable, and so are they.
Is there someone who might be encouraged if you shared this story with them?
@ngie
“That October, I was born.” Tearjerker! Wow.
Anonymous
Thanks for sharing. I was adopted 50 years ago. I thank my birth mother for giving me life.
Jeanette H.
jeffrey Ward
No one could have stated the case for pro-life better than this. Human life is sacred. Every young pregnant woman who is thinking about terminating that life within them should see an ultrasound of their unborn baby. I have seen all SIX ultrasounds of my precious unborn grandchildren. They are SO detailed that their facial expressions even show! We are reaping a terrilble destiny by continuing this silent holocaust. God bless you, my friend.
Trent Deakon
What about rape? the main problem that I have with pro life is that, very often, when a person claims pro life, they neglect talking on that subject, like they iether don’t consider it or they’re afraid of talking about it. I agree with the idea of excepting responsibility on both the man and the woman’s part. I also believe that children should be given the best chance at life, regardless of choices. But I’m not pro life, because the Irony of the thing is that being pro choice is understanding that sometimes you don’t get one.
Sarah Taylor Kovac
Hi, Trent… thank you for bringing in your opinion! In the case of rape, I still would not support abortion, and this is why: Let’s say a girl (I’ll call her Angela) is raped. The child she conceives, were he to be born and named, I will call Bobby. If abortion were illegal, then Angela would be robbed of her ability to choose when she becomes a mother because she was the victim of rape. That is tragic. I have not been in that situation, and I don’t pretend to understand what it feels like. Nor do I judge a woman who has made a choice I disagree with.
If Angela becomes pregnant because of a rape, and decides to abort, then BOBBY is robbed of not just one choice, but an entire lifetime’s worth of choices he might have made: what sport to play, where to go to college, whom to marry, when to have HIS children… he is robbed of life itself.
Unfortunately, it is a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. Since I view both Angela’s and Bobby’s as equally human and valuable lives, the choice is clear.
You said, “the Irony of the thing is that being pro choice is understanding that sometimes you don’t get one.” I believe many Pro-Life advocates would agree that abortion is one decision (whether conception was or not) which robs someone else of ALL of theirs.
Georgia
I too agree. Sarah you could not have answered the question any better! Now for my two cents… as a woman who regretfully chose abortion at one point in her life, I have experienced the greatest grace and forgiveness ever known from my heavenly Father! However, that was not without much struggle and many days of darkness. The guilt, the shame, the loss, the depression and anger, the grief etc… I cannot even begin to imagine what a woman experiences after rape but I do know that the aftermath of the choice of abortion would only compound the already horrifying experience of being raped. And that is why I am pro-life under any circumstances!!!
I would never judge any woman who choice abortion for any reason. I would support her and love her just as my heavenly loves me.
Melissa Ann Cox
Thank you. I’ve tried to put my opinion into words many times and am often scrutinized for my decision to be pro life. You are awesone, Sarah, and I thank God you’re here :)
Sarah Kovac
Georgia,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! So glad you have found a place of healing.
Blessings,
Sarah
Trent Deakon
but… I think, regretfully, you’ve proven my point. Their value as humans are equal as you said, and by being pro life, YOU are claiming power over the doctrines that govern who’s value is to be more considered. I don’t believe that anyone but the mother herself has that right. That’s why even though I don’t like the idea of abortion, I will most certainly stand up for the freedom to make that decision. My fear is that when someone claims pro life, they are saying that abortion should be made illegal. That, to me, for the reasons I have stated, is unacceptable.
Sarah Kovac
Trent, I know I have little to no chance of changing your mind on this matter… people’s ideals are usually pretty well entrenched on such controversial topics. I am just interested in hearing you explain your thoughts further.
You said, “I don’t believe that anyone but the mother herself has that right.” I assume you mean she has the right to determine whether she values her ability to choose over the life of her unborn child.
If a baby in the womb is just as much human as, say, a toddler, how is it that she has that right? My toddler takes all kinds of freedoms away from me. Yet it would be viewed as an atrocity if I killed him for the sake of my choices. Casey Anthony outraged us all. How is it any different?
Is a fetus a baby or not? Is she a mom or not? Because a mom gives up her choices from day 1, whether the baby was planned or not.
Trent Deakon
I believe we’re missing the gravity of the situation. I think what I’m referring to is a horrific scenario and I understand that it’s something that not a whole lot of people want to think about or even consider, but, unfortunately that doesn’t make it rare. More to the point I think that scenario in and of itself is the reason this topic is so important to discuss. With that being said, I believe what we are asking, or rather what we should be asking is, not if murder is okay, because that’s dumb…it’s not. But whether taking a life that has not begun for the strict purpose of preserving the prosperity of one that has already taken shape is a choice. And I don’t believe that is at all the same as murder. We are so attached to our notions of innocence and cuteness and all these very ingrained perceptions of babies that often that’s what this issue always turns into…”you wouldn’t kill a child…” That’s not what this issue is about as I look at it. It’s about being placed in the worst situation imaginable where one life is given a choice for preservation at the cost of all the things they’ve built, or accepting the guilt of taking a life in their control in the hopes of over coming the horror of what happened. The argument is that, well, the baby can’t make it’s own choices. So, what, a little girl should be forced into a responsibility she can’t take on and refute all her hopes and dreams because of one terrible act that she had no power over? I don’t think so. The fact is as much as we love babies and children, and as much as our humanity demands that we view them in this light of protection and innocence. They don’t have a choice, the woman does. Especially if it’s not a woman but a girl. That said, I agree with the idea that abortions are to easily accepted and often abused for terrible reasons.
Sarah Kovac
I absolutely can see where you’re coming from. I think the source of our disagreement lies in your phrase, “taking a life that has not begun…” If you believe the baby in the womb has not really entered into the fullness of life yet, then your stance makes perfect sense. I do happen to believe that the baby in the womb is living life just as much as a newborn.
In cases where the mother is truly not fit/ready to care for the baby, and no one can help her, I think the baby should be given to an adoptive family rather than given no chance at all.